Funny la Manila (part i)

So the adventures of the unexpected consultant continues...this time bringing the Portuguese Tart to Philippines...again! Better yet...this time i am based in the office situated right smack in the "Bukit Bintang" area of Manila (Makati), unlike the Cheras of Manila (no disrespect to Cheras folks though :P)

I totally missed my business travels; the new country feel, different office environment, cultures and diversity...yes down to the hotels as well (ready made bed, privacy and luxury...the best that business trips can buy!). And its one thing going to the a country you ve been before...but going to a country which you totally love is another! Too bad not all shared the same excitement of heading to Manila though; cant blame them for thinking the recent typhoon and stereotypical fears of third world country / terrorism / random reasons which could cloud their expectations.

But whats there NOT to like about Philippines!?

I absolutely love the accent (not just happy looking like one, I take pride in speaking like one too!), the girls are the BEST LOOKING in South East Asia (I VOUCH for it!), I ve got heaps of good, dear friends from Philippines (mabuhay Jennie Lee, Liv, Amy etc shucks, all Pinoy girls)...but best of all the SMILES! You would bet that babies delivered are not crying out of the womb but laughing / smiling their way out...and probably tickling their mummies too! :D Or maybe thanks to Krispy Kreme they re always on a sugar high...hence the smile always! Yummsss....Krispy Kreme...but thats for another post!

(While typing this...a bunch of Pinoys whom I ve met while facilitating in an AIESEC conference in Taiwan wayyy back in 04 is planning to show me around this weekend...they re like the awesomest and sweetest!!)

We flew out on Sunday noon, after a long Saturday night beginning with my clients (s)IT(i) business unit's awesome possum of an annual dinner!

Now speaking of this annual dinner...that is deserving of a post by itself. Beginning with being totally impressed with the organization of the event (cant imagine the budget...they freakin gave out iMac's as lucky draw gifts, and thats not even the FIRST PRIZE!), right up to admiring the amazing percussion skills of my "sister that I never had" (Fizzy, project mate that got upset cuz I called her my "project mate" and not "friend" - you knw I love you Fizzy!) - how I love them drummer girls - , amazing live bands (all staffs yo...so much for thinking its a geek dinner) and super performances (capoeira, a number from Hairspray etc...again, all staffs yo!)

Not content with going there alone, I was lucky enough to have 3 gorgeous handbags for dates (read: DRIVER!).

The theme of the night was elements of white, made the night look pretty elegant and fancy!

Tart and his handbags, L-R - Pam, Mel and Stel. It was one night in hell!

Tart and handbags along with drummer girl going rum a pum pum

Arriving in Manila, the team (minus the Project Manager) quickly checked in and hit the shopping mall immediately! Adventure really began when all 3 ladies need to look for shoes (Pam being a Charles and Keith whore really did her research of that store located in the shopping complex near our hotel...hmmm, I wonder if she chose the hotel simply cuz its near that shop?!) So imagine Pam's frustrations realising after treasure hunting the whole complex only to realise the treasure location is under construction! Oh man the frust on her face was 100x worst than when one of her incompetent project manager asked her whats the plan of the project plan...for the 100th time!

Until the Tart have to save the day...in fine print it says the store (or whats left of the store) has shifted to the TEENS AND KIDS dept! Pam insisted that it ll NEVER be in the kids dept...but like the other shoe use to say...Impossible is Nothing...I doubly insisted of no harm checking it out, and lo and behold, with an area no bigger than my office cubicle, lay a few racks of shoes and boxes with the banner CHARLES & KEITH emblazoned across, I swore I saw Pam reached climax...multiple times! It took her 20mins to pick the ones she wanted and in the end she purchased two pairs! Even then...her face was still flustered with heat still emancipating from her cheeks!

Anyways I could definitely understand her relief and sighs of contentment. For one, I somehow have a little fetish on really great looking shoes WORN by women (need to emphasize so as not to confuse ppl that I enjoy seeing women wearing sexy heels, not ME wearing them!). Somehow I am sure it definitely allows women to showoff their hidden sexual charms. Somehow those shoes, with the right height on the heels and straps going around the right (not slutty) way, it just screams SEXY! And somehow I totally agree that mens best invention for women was and will always be the heels! So yes...although despite the lack of eye candies in office, the shoes maketh the best replacement! And yes...I do compliment Pam for wearing really nice pairs...so am glad I helped her achieve her feets insatiable appetite to look good!

Anyways...to end this little post, I would like to quote the HR Manager which welcomed us;


"I hope you get to know Manila, but dont let Manila know you..."

Pics of Dubai

Mini tarts: You know that something is fishy when a gay colleague of yours decide to skip a posh dinner hosted by a fellow Malaysian when he says he's waiting to entertain a friend from Oman! Hmm..."O-Man" indeed!

Wanna know where they come from if in case its a whole bunch of them? Hint...also from the Middle East. "Ye-men"!

Its not that this guy works in the "back-stream" side of an oil and gas business, certainly not MANaging the lubricants either. ;)

No offence...I love them still!

Alas, the few and only pics I've got of my Dubai trip. Thanks to my team mates for uploading them!

Team pic with Telekom Towers...err I meant the Burj Al Arab in the background.
Burj Al Arab
Me and Burj
Chow time; Me, Calvin & Pam

Me and Pam by the beach and old woman about to strip!
Me and Burj

Beach????

Big team dinner in uber posh restaurant
Team dinner in "Alhamdullilah its Friday"
Chow time; Michelle, me & Calvin
Searching frantically for a cab
Team photo in Dubai office

Burj and me
Me and my Banana Split
Dubai skyline in the background
On the way back from office in Dusty Dubai
Lost in the shopping complex


Group shots

No alchohol for me...

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Melbourne posts (part 1)

First and foremost, I personally dont like to fly MAS (especially after what happened to my cousin, a former lead stewardess - she was let go of her job for being pregnant with her 3rd child). However, its the company's policy to do so, and you would think I shant be complaining as it'll be in business class right? WRONG! I've complained more than enough, but you hear it from me...SIA is wayyy better! For the trip to Melbourne, the food has seen better days, entertainment seems to be on par with Astro's B-grade movie channels, plus the systems color and brightness was wayy off, the seat was not long enough (but I dont blame it for attempting to rest my 6 feet 1 frame) and one of the steward has this attitude problem that I didnt bother asking him for anything. Alas, they really need to depend on the satay to save their blushes! Now THAT could even give Haji Samuri a run for his...err, satay!

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Its springtime in Melbourne. With really good weather too!

That means sunny days with chilly winds, just the way I like my weather! Reminds me a lot of Bonn / Europe. Theres something about being in the cold and sipping a perfectly brewed hot chocolate, you really feel the liquid warming your chilled body, from the mouth to the tummy!

I arrived just in time for a huge national event, albeit it being in Melbourne. Called the Melbourne Cup, its an extravaganza of high fashion, free flowing champagne, legal bettings, elegant hats on posh women, heaps of food, super A list celebs...all centered around a HORSE RACE! Nah beh!
Its so big that its a public holiday here! They call it "The race that stopes the nation". I call it "Like the Oscars, with the Horses"!
I got up early (or tried too) to catch whats the fuss about. It lasted over 8 hours with each race not more than 3 minutes long! Crazyyyy!!!

On the downside of things...I got up with a fever on that holiday! And to make things worst, when I contacted my cousin who is studying over here...he said he was attending JT's concert at the Rod Laver Arena...where I have a super nice view of it from the hotel room, although not the concert! Now I thought what luck I would be having knowing JT is performing a day after I leave, but who would have known he is performing 3 freakin times! To top off my bad day, my cousin sold the last of his extra ticket a couple of days back! Why JT...why!!! You really want Sexy to come Back to your concerts right?! Sheeshh!

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Ok, I love Melbourne!

The garden-like city is primarily the reason. I havent gone out much (thanks to work and the damned fever), but I already see lots of museums, parks and gardens in abundance, lakes, nice Victorian architecture which makes it Europ'ish and ooohhh... a river!!! It is also the sporting and cultural capital of Australia...the Australian Open, the recent Commonwealth Games and many live concerts among the many events happening all year round!

More reasons to move over here...Melbourne was voted "Worlds Most Livable Cities" for 3 years!!

And Aussie chicks are one hot lot...apparently everyone seems to have a nice body, ohh and a super fine pair of legs!!
;)

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Mission: Impossible

And so the journey of the accidental consultant continues. You know this is cliched when you hear ppl say "you learn along the way". Never more so with this line. Upon my attachment to my first project (more of that later), I quickly learnt / realised that the consulting line is similar to that of those super agents working in IMF, (not the higher-than-any-national-debt Intl Monetary Fund type, but more the uber cool espionage type Impossible Mission Force). You see, firstly you have a "profiler" that looks at profiles of all the available "agents" (us), views and compares the agents according to their strengths and skills and what nots to then match them to available "missions" (projects). When I was briefed bout my upcoming project (no we didnt get it from shades or tape recorders that blew up after 5 seconds), I already had a stupid grin plastered on my face as the bloody Mission Impossible tune was blasting in my head!

To my project...obviously nothing I could / would talk about except it involves the implementation of key HR services from one place to another. May sound like Russian Opera (read: I dont give a shit!) to others but it definitely tickles the HR afficionado's fancy for sure, or I think! Now the irony to it all is that the client is one of the places I would love to work for too, which I applied as well and is in fact Malaysia's TOP place to work (so says some survey). So unique is this project that us "agents" are "embedded" with the client where the mission will take place, meaning I get my gears and accessories from here as well (ie. email address, laptop, smart cards, similar holidays etc). It also means I am hardly ever at home base in Uptown, unless I am there to "claim some ammo" (literally do my mileage and claims!). Lets just call this project, "Project Kerang" (pic).

Already I was considered lucky as this project requires me to travel...it was in fact THE REASON I chose it in the first place. And right before my first salary, I am required to fly with my team to the Middle East, specifically DUBAI on the 20th! But funny enough, and cliched as it may sound, timing is in fact such a bitch! I fly smack on my mum's birthday, plus THE AIESEC EVENT OF THE YEAR (no, its not some National Committee election, but the AIESEC Msia Awards Night - acronyze it and you get AMAN which is PEACE in Malay, yup...the WORD for AIESEC!) and following that a combined birthday party of several close friends in a suite at Berjaya Hotel! You would think you ll get a natural rush of excitement at the mere thought of business class travelling for work...but not surprisingly its a bit lacking in me this time! :(

Try as I might to get an ounce of excitement...I wiki-travelled and googled about Dubai and at least knowing its a shoppers paradise kinda pleased me a little. Ok got even perkier knowing that there is H&M too! Of course lets not mention the skyscrappers and many man made islands of which Nat Geo has been showcasing far too many times! However before this I got excited about the mere mention of the Burj Al Arab...but blame it on the mood, or the fact I dont even have a freakin camera, or that I am missing several major events...the feeling is just not there!

A Danish Fairytale Wedding, 1st-2nd June - Part 2

Mini Tarts: Below is the speech I wrote (plagiarized too) for the wedding. As the wedding was void of any religious or spiritual elements, I was given the honor to live out my once in a lifetime fantasy of being a priest/minister, by preciding the union of both my good friends, RenBin and Rolf. Symbolically, they changed their last names to LeeDixon. Congratulations newly weds!

The Introduction of the Ceremony and Couple

"Blessed with an amazing weather, a beautiful scenery, a dashing prince and a gorgeous princess...not to mention some kids making some noise in the background, welcome to this wonderful fairytale. We are gathered here today to participate in the most time honored celebration of the human family, uniting a woman and man in marriage.

We are priviledged to witness the union of two beautiful and wonderful people, Rolf and RenBin, through their very own unique celebration and public acknowledgement of a love they have for each other.

On this day you are specially invited so that Rolf and Bin would be able to share with us of their journey from PAST, to the PRESENT and to the FUTURE.

My name is Bonnie and I am proud to be given this honor to precide over this beautiful wedding.

From the PAST;

It was three years ago from this date, their passion and love started and brought them together, along with hopes and dreams shared. The location was Malaysia, the land where its beautiful and exotic, where it is a potpourri of cultures and traditions, where the modern urban blends with traditional rural...and apparently where the Danish men steal our women!

The past also brings us to Denmark, the land of serenity and fairytales. And the fairytale continues with a deep, profound respect for each other, while breaking down cultural divides and sacrifises made, their love and passion grew till the day a question of lifelong commitment was asked 1 year ago to this date.

Which brings us to the PRESENT;

As we come together on this day, Rolf and Bin wishes to project a unique celebration which is simple yet oozes charm and elegance with their closest few; their family and good friends. They also wished for this celebration to be void of religious and spiritual elements as Rolf and Bin envisioned a ceremony that brings the truest meaning of what a wedding is indeed all about; the union of two souls, the coming together of two individuals, whose hearts and spirits are entwined as one.

It is through this union they both perform an act of faith. This faith can grow and develop and last, only if Rolf and Bin both decide to make it so, and not guaranteed by any religious or spiritual ritual.

And through this commitment made today, Rolf and Bin now desire to profess before us all, their special guests, of their intentions to take the journey of life, heading to the FUTURE together...fuelled by dedication, love, joy and lots of laughter.

I would like to take the opportunity to introduce the King and Queen of the day, expressed in a way which the both of them know I do best, through a poem. It may be from a personal point of view, but I am sure you will agree on some points.

" Words are hard to describe who is she
Thats Bin to you and me
Smart, sarcastic, sweet and even strict
Echoes all in country and district


I know her back then in 2002
From uni mates, AIESEC colleagues, even the same classes too
Through common interests in humor, food and trends
It was how we became the best of friends

She longed to be a film and fashion critic
She ought to open a cinema or a boutique
I knew she was unique with her fashion back then
Remember her strange, fringe only blonde strands?

Now he was the 3rd Dane to come to KL

The girls (and some guys) fell immediately under his spell
Us guys thought he was such a thorn
Cuz the girls were always curious abut his horn

Through football our friendship started
AIESEC activities, he's very dedicated
Outgoing, helpful, wise and very driven
He often never expects anything in return

Since they met, she captured his heart
From that day on they never part
On this day their union is best acclaimed
From the moment they changed their family name

I am glad and proud to play a small part
Of how this fairytale begin to start
It has finally come to this very day
'I DO' is all thats left to say"

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The Introduction of Wedding Vows

...we now proceed to the next part of the ceremony. The time has come for Rolf and Bin to exchange wedding vows.

Dear guests, we are now priviledged to participate and witness the public acknowledgement of bth Rolf's and Bin's love for one another. Lets hear their dedications before us all. I would like to invite the groom to proceed first, followed by his beautiful bride.

~~~~~~wedding vows~~~~~~~~

May Rolf and Bin keep the vows made between them on this day. And to solemnize their profession of love for one another and to declare their union, we proceed to the witnessing the exchange of rings.

Exchanging of Wedding Rings

Deeply seeped in tradition, this circlet of precious metal is justly regarded as a fitting emblem of the purity and perpetuity of the union of two souls. We are reminded that the ring represents the circle of eternity, fashhioned as to have neither beginning nor end. Let it serve the meaning of this partnership to bring the both of you closer together and to last forever.

We are also reminded that the precious stones are so incorruptable that it cannot be tarnished by use or time. Then let this mean that the love of Rolf and Bin be incorruptable in its purity and will remain as precious as always. I would like to invite the best man to deliver the rings.

Announcement of HUSBAND and WIFE

As the rings have been placed, the vows have been declared, thus this union have been solemnized. May Rolf and Bin find happiness through this union, may they live faithfully together, may they remain ever loving and compassionate and may their journey be filled with the joys of life. Let it be known that a relationship isnt counted by the number of years shared, but the number of times you laughed, kissed and embraced together.

Now through the responsibility vested in me, I stand before your family and your close friends to (it was here that the generator died...leaving an eerie silence without music to accompany the last moment)...

I now pronouce you HUSBAND & WIFE. You may both kiss..."

Serbia, 25th-28th May - Part 1

Mini Tarts: This is a trilogy entry of my time between 25th May - 10th June, beginning from my excellent trip to Serbia and ending with one of the best concerts I ve ever seen, J Timberlake!!

The first of my travelling stint. This trip was planned wayyy in advanced, since January and I was anticipating it ever since! Lets just say ever since me and Ana met, I have been dying to get myself there. So with the visa all approved, plus the gang of close buddies here included...Serbia was waiting for us!

The crew besides me and Ana was Camilla, Segala, Tanja and Natasa, who unfortunately wasnt much part of our plans although would have loved her to be with us. Remember when I had high expectations of Danish ladies but came back disappointed...well I try NOT to bring it up with Serbian girls, but it all failed when you have the Serbians (Ana and Natasa) saying how HOT they were, plus the rather obvious European trait where the more eastern you go...the girls get hotter! Dunno bout the men though! And oh theres the food expectations too...since Ana have been bringing back Serbian food specially for me...the food in this trip had to be an added incentive too!

So off we flew on early Friday. Upon arrival, I was welcomed by high humidity and scorching sun, traffic chaos and a somewhat unorderly fashion to nearly everything...it kinda reminded me of home! We headed straight to Ana's brothers place, where we were greeted with food brought from Ana's parents bakery! LOVELY!! It was enough to feed us for the whole weekend in fact! We took a nap after that and headed for a little sightseeing. Well except for some buildings that were bombed, Serbia look anything BUT a war torn city! So this was the first assumption of this country proven wrong.

The city is lovely and gorgeous...with greens spread around and of course...the ever beautiful Danube river snaking in and out of the city, Europes 2nd longest river passing through over 10 countries and over 30cities! Our day was spent in downtown Belgrade and a castle site, then ended with more great food at this traditional Serbian restaurant, where our appetiser of several cheese dish was already somewhat heavy! Then came the main dish which was great, plus a nice dessert!

The night, we clubbed at a place cheesily called Mr Stefan Braun! Music was hardcore house, wasnt my thing and worst...it was apparently gay night as crowd was 70% guys! Shit! Our girls were the best looking one of the lot...!

Following day, more sight seeing, and food of cuz! But one place that will always be remembered is this huge man made lake called Ada, where the who's who of Belgrades gorgeous people come to enjoy the sun, the water and the view...the view of lovely flesh crafted on beautiful bodies and gorgeous faces! This place seems to be the heavenly congregation of Belgrades finest! Even the men did seem to have a criteria, six pack or you re out, even if you re ugly! As for the ladies...its beyond my expectations now!! And Natasa has given me the right to say...she and Ana are merely averagers compared to the finest there (and mind you they re both equally hot on both stratospheres of Blonde universe and Brunette kingdom!)

The night followed with meeting more AIESEC ppl from Serbia, as they got a 3 hour boat ride party booked. Only thing was, its 80s night!! Damn...for the first hour it was alright, by the 2nd I was cringing!! After that we headed to a Gypsy restaurant, by the riverside ala those Port Klang seafood restaurants! Here they played live music and it was pretty fun, although me, Camilla, Segala and Tanja were clearly amused rather than enjoying. After an hour there, we thought how glad that we re finally leaving and headed to sleep...but we were so wrong! And we re glad too...cuz only then the party did start!

You see, while on the boat we passed by this super amazing looking open air club that was on a jetty...it looked damn awesome with its neon lights and the fact that its open freakin air! So we decided to head to this place...at 3am!! As we arrived there, the party was merely starting! The crowd was amazing, the girls were all glam and gorgeous...this was the bomb!! Till a random chick on a platform giggled "Kines...hahahah!" (Chinese)...and proceeded to mess my hair as in to say..."Aww...you poor thing!" Damn it...i knew then that it was easier to learn Serbo-Croat than to hook up a nookie with a Serbian chick :(

That aside, we literally partied till dawn as we saw the sun actually come up at 5am! That night was simply fantastic...and since we all had our adrenaline running high, we decided for our road trip (which was supposed to start at 12pm) to begin right away! Crazy as it may sound, but we did just that. A road trip to Krucevaj (i think its spelt like this), Ana's hometown.

Over there, we did nothing but ate, relax by a pool and took a dip, ate again...this time was a super huge meal with 4 rounds, each was enough for a meal by itself! Coming back to the pool side thing, it was supposed to be some therapeutical spring water and promoted heavily by Ana, so naive me was excited to see more of the hotties of the previous day in Ada. What a turn of events, when the people we saw there were old, fat, some walking with walkers, some with nurses, some old men that looked like a pregnant whale...gosch...i was just tooooo tired to feel dissapointed that i just slept there immediately! Woke up to more of those sights...although it did get more busier and theres at least 2 or 3 cuties there...oh wait a minute, they re Tanja, Camilla and Ana! Again...DAMN!

Nevertheless...it was fun all in all! Guess the whole elements that combined to make this trip one of the BEST, if not THE BEST...were the fact that Serbia was gorgeous, the company I was with were my bestest friends in my traineeship, the food was simply a culinary orgasm, the ladies of Serbia amazingly gorgeous, our host were the best they could be and we were treated to an unbelievable time, plus did i mention that Serbia is amazingly cheap, just like Prague!

We left Serbia rather sad...cuz it was one of our best times there! And to make matters worst...after all the sun and heat we got, we came back to a chilly, rainy Monday in Koln! I was having a Serbian hangover for many days... For a view of my trip to Serbia...check out the link to my Facebook here.


The ladies
(minus Ali G of cuz)

The food

The gang...