Funny la Manila (part iii)

This isnt a "posh" complaint...but I just hate hotel food! I guess my gastronomy levels never bordered near "fine dining", fancying more the local and road side fares..."drain dining" for those whose more affluent.

So one evening we (me and Pam) decided to walk out of the hotel and search for any local grubs in any restaurant. The concierge pointed us towards one Jupiter Street, explaining the many diverse restaurants available within walking distance. Delighted, we walked to the said location. Only after nearing those familiar colorful and bright neon lights, did I realise this was indeed somewhere familiar! It was one of the so called red light streets...semi naked Pinay babes frolicking around and dancing while tourists like me stroll in on the pretext of wanting some drinks. ;)

So this was apparently the idea of the dude at the concierge for a good restaurant joint! And it wasnt even me asking...it was Pam! Nice...

Anyways dodgy restaurants wasnt part of our agenda (although I noted how close this street was to our hotel!), so we walked randomly around...middle eastern grubs, nah...Indian, we've got heaps back home, Italian...didnt feel like it, western...no freakin way! You know those times when good ol' McD's or KFC would suffice, no matter how you dont like it! It was THAT moment!

Anyways...we decided to go Chinese (really ran out of ideas). Unfortunately the only thing good there was the Chinese tea and fried dumpling, although the aroma of an oily stench only Chinese restaurants could provide did appeal to possibly thinking it might be a good choice. How wrong were we! And to make matters worst...I found HAIR in my food!! Not that I complain much, but Pam did prompt me to complain and we did, managing to tick that dish of the bill. Not bad...they do listen to customers!

We left, but the urge for Mickey D's was all of a sudden increasing! It was obvious I wasnt full yet...so I bought back an extra choc fudge sundae, large fries and apple pie (gym my foot!). All for a total amount of RM9 upon converting!

While walking back we stumbled upon this really young girl begging on the main road...literally on the MAIN ROAD, when cars stop at the traffic light, she'll just go randomly to any car and knocking and pleading and begging for any spare change. Now this scene is quite common across Manila, but it was that very moment which really made us realised how despite Manila is such a booming metropolitan, there are still the unlucky and impoverished few amongst them. Pam quickly gave the kid 100pesos (about RM10) while I gave her my extra fudge sundae. But not before chasing her around the cars as she wasnt even the height of the cars bonnet! It was freaking dangerous for the small kid to even be there!

Feeling a mix of sorrow for the kid and guilty for overindulging...we left for the hotel. Then 2 more kids appeared out of nowhere. Now its getting a wee bit suspicious...the kid even asking for my french fries. I guess if it wasnt for my guilt...I would ve just waved the kids off. Alas...I had to part my fries AND apple pie for the kids...the bitchy part of me complaining not just a crappy dinner...but there goes any chance to salvage it even! Grumbling as I walked towards the hotel...Pam still shocked over the incident (am sure its not bout me giving my food away, but more on the impoverished conditions still existing)...we then heard a super loud and squealy "THANK YOUUUUU" as the kids waved at us.

Our hearts melted...

Funny la Manila (part ii)

You know you re looking forward to tea breaks during workshops when they serve you this...

And forget your diet plans and gym routines here as the Pinoys claim that they re all about food in the Philippines!! Now tell me where havent I heard that before back home!

You think Germany is all about PORK?

BAH!! For our project dinner today we had knuckles AND one of the bestest, juiciest, lemakest BBQ pork I ve ever had for free! Pity our Malay team mate though, but one can understand that when a country doesnt govern the consumption of pork to just non Muslims...damn nearly every occassion you ve got them porkys! And bacons here really taste like bacon...ie made of PORK!

(I'd love to show pics but gotta respect them none porky eaters though)

Anyways I think my proficiency to understand sexual / dirty joke innuendos has gone a wee bit to an embarrassing level. Already I ve been noted for laughing at ridiculously simple lines / phrases for no apparent reason...except that upon further thoughts one can find some sexual connotations to it! Or maybe I think toooooo 'deep'...

And it doesnt help either that the person that came up with those brilliant lines will always claim innocence!! Damn it...and to think I laugh because I appreciate a good joke...albeit a dirty one (hey you know the best jokes are always the dirtiest!). Compliments sometimes result in ones detriment!

And so as I took the last slab of yummy bbq pork, I was asked to finish the knuckles as well. I rejected, owing to the fact that my stomach had no space left later for dessert! However one of the Pinoys from the workshop (and a funny one at that!) commented, "Ahh, so Bonnie likes the 'tender' one"...emphasizing on a word which could lead to thinking of something 'delicate', 'soft', 'affectionate', 'delicate' etc on a piece of meat! I laughed my hysterical laugh...brilliant joke I thought...only to be confronted by staring, accusing eyes! I defensively muttered "Cant I laugh...?" knowing I was a mouse trapped in a corner with 5 cats stalking me!

"You dirty minded boy!", accused the supposedly funny Pinoy. "But...but...I was just laughing...", I again defended myself, trying to shoot my last bullet only to know its an empty 'shell'.

"But you had a 'DIRTY' laugh!"

I bowed my head in defeat as I knifed my last piece of 'tender' pork...

Funny la Manila (part i)

So the adventures of the unexpected consultant continues...this time bringing the Portuguese Tart to Philippines...again! Better yet...this time i am based in the office situated right smack in the "Bukit Bintang" area of Manila (Makati), unlike the Cheras of Manila (no disrespect to Cheras folks though :P)

I totally missed my business travels; the new country feel, different office environment, cultures and diversity...yes down to the hotels as well (ready made bed, privacy and luxury...the best that business trips can buy!). And its one thing going to the a country you ve been before...but going to a country which you totally love is another! Too bad not all shared the same excitement of heading to Manila though; cant blame them for thinking the recent typhoon and stereotypical fears of third world country / terrorism / random reasons which could cloud their expectations.

But whats there NOT to like about Philippines!?

I absolutely love the accent (not just happy looking like one, I take pride in speaking like one too!), the girls are the BEST LOOKING in South East Asia (I VOUCH for it!), I ve got heaps of good, dear friends from Philippines (mabuhay Jennie Lee, Liv, Amy etc shucks, all Pinoy girls)...but best of all the SMILES! You would bet that babies delivered are not crying out of the womb but laughing / smiling their way out...and probably tickling their mummies too! :D Or maybe thanks to Krispy Kreme they re always on a sugar high...hence the smile always! Yummsss....Krispy Kreme...but thats for another post!

(While typing this...a bunch of Pinoys whom I ve met while facilitating in an AIESEC conference in Taiwan wayyy back in 04 is planning to show me around this weekend...they re like the awesomest and sweetest!!)

We flew out on Sunday noon, after a long Saturday night beginning with my clients (s)IT(i) business unit's awesome possum of an annual dinner!

Now speaking of this annual dinner...that is deserving of a post by itself. Beginning with being totally impressed with the organization of the event (cant imagine the budget...they freakin gave out iMac's as lucky draw gifts, and thats not even the FIRST PRIZE!), right up to admiring the amazing percussion skills of my "sister that I never had" (Fizzy, project mate that got upset cuz I called her my "project mate" and not "friend" - you knw I love you Fizzy!) - how I love them drummer girls - , amazing live bands (all staffs yo...so much for thinking its a geek dinner) and super performances (capoeira, a number from Hairspray etc...again, all staffs yo!)

Not content with going there alone, I was lucky enough to have 3 gorgeous handbags for dates (read: DRIVER!).

The theme of the night was elements of white, made the night look pretty elegant and fancy!

Tart and his handbags, L-R - Pam, Mel and Stel. It was one night in hell!

Tart and handbags along with drummer girl going rum a pum pum

Arriving in Manila, the team (minus the Project Manager) quickly checked in and hit the shopping mall immediately! Adventure really began when all 3 ladies need to look for shoes (Pam being a Charles and Keith whore really did her research of that store located in the shopping complex near our hotel...hmmm, I wonder if she chose the hotel simply cuz its near that shop?!) So imagine Pam's frustrations realising after treasure hunting the whole complex only to realise the treasure location is under construction! Oh man the frust on her face was 100x worst than when one of her incompetent project manager asked her whats the plan of the project plan...for the 100th time!

Until the Tart have to save the day...in fine print it says the store (or whats left of the store) has shifted to the TEENS AND KIDS dept! Pam insisted that it ll NEVER be in the kids dept...but like the other shoe use to say...Impossible is Nothing...I doubly insisted of no harm checking it out, and lo and behold, with an area no bigger than my office cubicle, lay a few racks of shoes and boxes with the banner CHARLES & KEITH emblazoned across, I swore I saw Pam reached climax...multiple times! It took her 20mins to pick the ones she wanted and in the end she purchased two pairs! Even then...her face was still flustered with heat still emancipating from her cheeks!

Anyways I could definitely understand her relief and sighs of contentment. For one, I somehow have a little fetish on really great looking shoes WORN by women (need to emphasize so as not to confuse ppl that I enjoy seeing women wearing sexy heels, not ME wearing them!). Somehow I am sure it definitely allows women to showoff their hidden sexual charms. Somehow those shoes, with the right height on the heels and straps going around the right (not slutty) way, it just screams SEXY! And somehow I totally agree that mens best invention for women was and will always be the heels! So yes...although despite the lack of eye candies in office, the shoes maketh the best replacement! And yes...I do compliment Pam for wearing really nice pairs...so am glad I helped her achieve her feets insatiable appetite to look good!

Anyways...to end this little post, I would like to quote the HR Manager which welcomed us;


"I hope you get to know Manila, but dont let Manila know you..."